Highly Targeted Gratitude
What am I thankful for? Well, for starters, creative constraints.
In any creative endeavor, I find too much freedom overwhelming and paralyzing. I would hate to be given an assignment like “Write a short story.” I’d much rather be told, “Write a short story from the point of view of your pet tortoise.”
When I wrote a book on gratitude a few years ago, I gave myself a strict structure: I decided to thank a thousand people who had anything to do with my morning cup of coffee (the coffee farmer, the barista, the logo designer, the truck driver, and so on).
Likewise, when my family and I go around the table today for Thanksgiving, I’m going to avoid the generic question, “What are you thankful for?” It often leads to reasonable but bland answers such as “family” or “my health.”
Instead, I’m going to encourage specificity. I’m going to try out some prompts. Here’s a sample that Julie and I did in preparation:
OVERLOOKED PERSON ON THE SUPPLY CHAIN YOU’RE GRATEFUL FOR:
AJ: Ginger farmers. My mom bakes a pumpkin pie with a crust made from crushed Ginger Snap cookies. I’m grateful to the folks who farm and harvest the ginger that provides this delicious kick.
Julie: The food scientists at Trader Joe’s for their creative combinations (e.g. scrambled egg and chicken sausage burrito).
SOMETHING YOU READ THAT YOU’RE GRATEFUL FOR:
AJ: Arguments in favor of the Oxford comma. I’m grateful to Benjamin Dreyer — author of Dreyer’s English — for converting me to this glorious punctuation mark. He has my gratitude, respect, and admiration.
Julie: The suggestion to put an orange peel in my container of brown sugar to keep it from clumping up. I read this tip in Real Simple magazine many years ago, and it sparks joy every morning when I scoop out my clump-free spoonful.
STRANGER YOU’RE GRATEFUL FOR:
AJ: The eavesdropping woman at Chipotle who told me that she thought I was doing a good job as a father. This was about ten years ago, when I was battling a particularly acute case of paternal impostor syndrome. Her words meant a lot to me.
Julie: The woman at DisneyWorld who helped Lucas (who was six years old at the time) when he got lost in the crowd outside the Winnie the Pooh ride.
OVERLOOKED HISTORICAL PERSON YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR:
AJ: Frances Perkins, the weekend warrior. Perkins was the U.S. Secretary of Labor in the 1930s, and was crucial in creating the weekend. The weekend didn’t just happen. Perkins and others fought for it. She was a major force behind the 1938 Fair Labor Standards Act, which established a 40-hour work week that made weekends a reality (and helped ban child labor and improve workplace safety). Instead of saying TGIF, consider saying TPIF (“Thank Perkins it’s Friday.”)
Julie: The pioneers of IVF. As the mother of three IVF sons, I was moved by the Netflix movie Joy about the invention of the procedure. Thanks to the scientists — and also the women in those early trials, the vast majority of whom did not get pregnant.
NON-STRANGER YOU’RE GRATEFUL FOR:
AJ: My son Jasper, who has inspired me to get back into vocabulary building. He looks up words when he doesn’t know them. Recently, influenced by his example, I decided to start reading the Merriam-Webster dictionary. I’m up to the C’s and am finding it useful in battling cacography (among other things).
Julie: Mrs. Jackson, my fifth-grade history teacher. She had us had us all dress up and act out life in colonial America. I credit her with getting me interested in history (not to mention it was good preparation for A.J.’s Constitution book).
ADVICE YOU GOT THIS YEAR YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR:
AJ: “Eat the Frog." This is a productivity tip from author Daniel Pink. It means you should do the hardest stuff first. I’m a vegetarian, but the metaphor still resonates (maybe even more).
Julie: My dentist’s suggestion to get a home Water Pik. I find it deeply satisfying now that I have figured out how not to spray water all over the mirror.
SOMETHING YOU TAKE FOR GRANTED THAT HAS A HUGE IMPACT ON OUR LIVES:
AJ: Habituation. I’m grateful that our brains tune out sounds after a while. It’s one of evolution’s greatest ideas. If not, the construction currently taking place on our street would be unbearable.
Julie: The mind-boggling amount of stuff that happens underground. As A.J. mentioned, we’re having loud construction outside our apartment. Instead of getting annoyed (or at least in addition to getting annoyed), I try to marvel at all the stuff that goes on under our feet — the gas lines, electricity, sewage, water pipes, subways,
PRODUCT YOU’RE GRATEFUL FOR:
AJ: Ground News. This iPhone app shows what stories the left-wing media is covering and what the right-wing media is covering. Very helpful way to understand the culture gap.
Julie: Leg warmers. You might say it sounds very ‘80s. I say, warm calves never go out of style.
SETBACK YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR BECAUSE IT YIELDED SOMETHING GOOD:
AJ: A couple of weeks ago, I was so sick with strep throat that I couldn’t do my nighttime reading. Instead, I fell asleep to a Kurt Vonnegut audiobook. It made me realize audiobooks are an excellent nighttime alternative.
Julie: Getting my job eliminated. About 25 years ago, the magazine I worked for (Entertainment Weekly) eliminated my job in marketing. I was upset. But it allowed me to find a job that I love, and one that I’m still doing: I teamed up with Bret Watson for Watson Adventures, a company that puts on creative scavenger hunts.
And, finally, of course, thanks to all the readers of my Substack, even those who didn’t make it this far.
I loved this. The specificity was so much better than the usual bland thankfulness lists. Next year, I'm going to get way more specific!
Just subscribed my daughter and good friend. We are looking forward to talking about your posts in our phone calls. They are on each coast and I am in Montana.