What an appearance on 'Oprah' taught me way back when

One of my favorite lessons from my life experiments is the power of acting “as if.” If you want to be confident, act as if you are confident. If you want to be compassionate, act as if you are compassionate.

This strategy has helped me hundreds of times. But today, since Oprah interviews are in the news, I thought I’d recount one particularly memorable time I acted “as if.”

A few years ago, I went on Oprah Winfrey’s show to promote my first big book, The Know-It-All. This was when Oprah had her nationally syndicated show, and it was, naturally, a huge deal for me. Being on her TV show could make or break a writer.

As you can imagine, I was super nervous. I got onstage, and there was the legend herself, sitting in a leather chair. I’d been studying for a week, rehearsing my soundbites. But still, I was terrified — my mouth was cottony, my heart was racing. (Not to mention, I had the first stages of an awkward beard since I was working on my book about living biblically).

Oprah was all business. She snapped at her staff, “Let’s go, people. We’re on a schedule. Come on.”

Oprah interviewed me about my book, and the first segment was….meh. Not great. She didn’t seem to be loving it. She seemed a little distracted. I was getting flop sweat.

We cut to a commercial break. I looked over at Oprah. And she was sitting across from me, reading her notes and humming.
Humming a tune.

At that moment, I decided to do something bold and terrifying. 

Before I tell you what that is, I need to back up briefly to give you the context. Before the show, Oprah had invited the studio audience to ask their burning questions about Oprah herself.

The most memorable question was….“Oprah, do you ever fart during a show?”

And Oprah replied that yes. Sometimes she does fart during the show. And what she does is, she hums a tune to cover it up.

So there was Oprah in front of me, during the commercial break…humming distractedly. 

It was the perfect setup. Should I do it?
I looked at Oprah and waved my hand in front of my nose.

And I said, “Ooof Oprah! That was silent but deadly!” 

I couldn’t believe I was saying the words as they come out of my mouth. But I’d decided to act as if I was bold, to adopt the character of someone who was confident and optimistic, who treats Oprah as just another friend.

I knew this could backfire big time. Oprah paused for an excruciating three seconds, then burst out laughing. It wasn’t the greatest joke ever, not by a long shot. But Oprah loved it, which is all that mattered.

The commercial break ended, and the interview resumed. But the tenor was different. Oprah and I were now friends. She’d warmed up to me. She was laughing more, bantering. I was able to relax. Oprah had me stay on for two extra unplanned segments.

This strategy - which is a crucial part of cognitive behavioral therapy - goes by many phrases. There’s “Fake it till you feel it.” Or this quote from a nineteenth-century minister: “It’s easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than it is to think your way into a new way of acting.” However you say it, Oprah and that silly fart joke reminded me how powerful it is.